heys.

why do i feel like ranting but i cant type my feelings out?
:l

im depressed la. why didnt they invite me to their birthday celebration? am i not really a friend to them, only im not invited. stupid wishful thinking on my part. always call people dont assume, you yourself assume so much. shit you la, eat your words. say people no use, never do yourself.
shinwoo said that taekyung never held onto go minam before, always seeing her run. am i like that too? people go away, i went to find others, didnt go hold onto them. why am i like that?! do i try to please everyone so much, try until people dont like me. why why why.
i want my friends back. why am i so lan in keeping friendships?! why why why. im never wanted, i never had a pair ever. 2min isnt counted, shes with amanda. i want a pair, i want a partner! why arh, why are you so fucking lan in making friends, awkard awkard awkard.
you think about it la, shawols. for those from the first meeting one, only you, bloody you isnt in that clique. you have no one to blame but yourself no?! talk so little, keep to yourself, like so jia ao like that. in the end also you shou ku right!
fuck your life la.\

it isnt fair that people can have the life, the looks, the figure. and the suitors.
youre freaking fat, you no life, and only lousy guys like you. fuck my life.

abd so i decided that this shall be my rant journal.
rofl.



im hoping that by posting, i will feel better. although i dont know what the hell is wrong with me.

these few days. i feel that ive changed, unknowningly.
i cant laugh that much.
i cant fangirl that much.

it just seems ;like, my usual self has died?
or is this my true self, so dead.
maybe im just tired of putting up a fake mask?
but i dont know whether i have ever put uo a mask before.

even cheryl has noticed the change inme.
maybe its becuse we sit tgt, thats why she noticed my change.
she commented about how im not laughing that hard at the boys jokes anymore, how i can stop laughing so easily.
i made up a stupid excuse about how ive concerntrated too much on the task at hand, colouring.
but the truth is that i sont know why i can stop laughing so easily.
i didnt use to e like that.
i would laugh at the boys jokes till i peng.
but why, it changed already?


last pe lesson, i think i heard beaunice say that she hates me.
i seriously dont know whether i heard right.
i really wish that i asked her then. whetheri heard her correctly.


maybe my change is because ive been going hiome straight after school everyday?
then i wont bond with my friends and all the stuff.
but then they also go home.
aish, idk.

i dont like this change in me.
i have headaches all day?
even when i sleep, i cant sleep deeply.
once i wake, i take a long time to get back to sleep.
what is happening to me?

i dont want to be like this.
why am i like this?

hais.